I’ve discovered that running is much more than a physical and endurance sport. There is an entire mental aspect to it I underestimated. I heard people say that they have trouble finding motivation and having to play mind games to continue running, but I did not see it as much of an obstacle. I was determined to succeed. I was determined to run in and finish the Cleveland Marathon.
Lately however, I’ve realized that the mental challenges are very real. Since I started running last August I’ve been battling injury and illness constantly. Every week it’s been something new from broken bones, strained muscles, bronchitis, and shin splints. All I want to do is go out and enjoy running. I’ve worked very hard to overcome all of these issues. I’ve talked with specialists, I’ve exercised, I’ve rested; everything that I’m supposed to do, but the issues continued to occur.
Another factor has been the winter weather in Northeast Ohio. I do not recall seeing so much snow in one season. There has been so much snow that a lot of the training has required indoor running on the dreadmill (that is an intentional misspelling). It’s been cold, grey, and wet to further bring down the spirits.
Here are a few posts I wrote after some bad runs. I think that they accurately conves my state of mind.
3 mi 00:32 10:48 pace
Treadmill yet again. I could only force myself to run 3 miles, and even that was a major effort! My mental game just wasn't in it. Between rain, sleet, cold, and spiking migraines I guess I should see my 3 as an achievement, but I just see utter failure right now. Blah!
1.67 mi 00:20 11:58 pace
Was supposed to do 5, but my shins started hurting again and I just didn't have it in me. The whole mental thing is really dragging me down.
I started questioning why I was doing this. I would respond – yes, I know this sounds schizophrenic – I’m doing this for me and I’m doing this for Mikey. I need to finish this or else I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, and I need to finish this because so many people have supported me by donating to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Then I would rebut with questioning if this race is really worth the physical strain I am putting my body through. Who knows if anything that I’m doing will have long term adverse effects. And I rebut the rebuttal by reminding myself that if one little boy could go through the necessary, and often painful treatments for leukemia then I could finish the rest of my 60 days of training and run the marathon because what he went through is nothing compared to training for a marathon. I have the choice to stop. People with blood cancers do not have the option of stopping.
This is how I’ve gotten through the last several weeks of training, but I think that I’ve rounded the bend in the mental challenge. I’ve pushed myself and have run further than I’ve ever run before. The sun has finally come out and the temperatures have warmed. It is nice to be out there again and I can smile while I run. I’m still battling tightness and tenderness in my shins, but I don’t care.
I just run!
